Hayibo.com - UK media issues warning about SA’s “Eat a Tourist Day”.

UK media issues warning about SA’s “Eat a Tourist Day”.

LONDON. Following the revelations of tourist Victoria Smurfit that she and her family were victims of "Kill a Tourist Day", England's Daily Mail is now warning British soccer fans coming to South Africa for 2010 of the perils of “Eat a Tourist Day”.

After a tourist was devoured by a seven metre great white shark off the beach of Fishhoek on Tuesday, the Daily Mail published a front-page story detailing how the horrific attack was just part of a traditional South African celebration, “Eat A Tourist Day”.

“The only difference between EATD and Christmas or Easter,” the article insists, “Is that instead of brandy pudding or chocolate eggs, the celebrants hunt down and devour innocent tourists. They even get the wildlife involved.”

As evidence for these allegations, the Daily Mail’s South African correspondent Limey McTwatstein pointed to eyewitness accounts from a taxi driver who drove the short-order pastry chef who’d overheard from a broken telephone repairman who got it from a sunbather that a coastguard at the scene of yesterday’s shark attack had said words which could creatively be summarised as “Eat A Tourist Day.”

“Obviously,” said McTwatstein, “I had to fill in a few blanks.”

The article, which has been reprinted in every major newspaper on five continents, including The Antarctic Tattler, goes on to give safety advice to those travellers who are insane enough to risk their precious, precious lives leaving Britain.

“The problem is widespread. It’s not just the sharks that will eat you. Anyone could be a threat. Your barman. Your hotel masseur. The child prostitute you pick up from the street corner. The man you’re about to beat with a chain for supporting the wrong team. Any one of them could turn on you to reveal row upon row of serrated, tourist-eating teeth.”