Hayibo.com - Shaik inspires crime lords to recruit at hospices

Shaik inspires crime lords to recruit at hospices

JOHANNESBURG. As Minister of Correctional Services Nosiviwe Noluthando Mapisa-Nqakula announces plans to review the terms and conditions of medical parole, South African crime lords are recruiting frantically at hospices and hospitals around the country.

Speaking to the press from a money laundry in Alberton, crime boss Pasteurize Singana lamented the poor quality of criminals currently being churned out by the education system.

"Education isn't what it used to be," he said. "In the old days kids would come out of Matric eager to learn a trade and to work their way down from the pavement to the gutter.

"Now they expect things to be handed to them on a silver platter," he said. "Usually at gun point."

He said the lack of patience and finesse in the new generation of criminals saw far too many henchmen ending up in jail after their first job.

"It's soul destroying," he said. "You spend a week running them through the Crime101 manual. Stuff like how to load a gun and drive a getaway car, how to look mean and scare people and how to cover up your nefarious activities by getting a respectable job as the CEO of a major cellphone corporation.

"Then you spend the next five years waiting for them to serve their time, so they can try to pull another job for you," he said.

Singana said he had employed a team of criminal consultants to investigate ways of increasing the returns per henchman.

He said the solution was to hire terminally ill criminals.

"They don't spend much time in jail, they don't mind dying on the job and they are not really worried about their reputations.

"The police are also reluctant to shoot at people who are attached to drips," he said.

Singana said interest from the terminally ill had been enormous.

"At the moment I've got the Melanoma Gang pulling bank heists in Gauteng and I am busy putting together a team of hypertensive accountants in Durban.

"I just need one more person to complete the team," he said. "And we are speaking to his parole officer about getting him on board."